Out of Control

Nothing bothers me more than things I can't control. Especially when those things directly affect me. I don't like it when I'm in a hurry and the person in front of me is driving well below the speed limit. I don't like it when my house is exceptionally noisy. Like when the TV is on, the kids are yelling, crying or screaming, the phone is ringing, dishwasher is running, someone is talking loudly and Sarah is playing games on the computer. When it gets that chaotic, it just bothers my brain. I don't like it when I've just finished mopping the floor and one of my kids spills their juice on it. Things like that just bother me.

Lately, I've been taking some medication that has been messing with my appearance. It seems like it's affecting all the wrong things for me. I've always been happy with my weight and generally happy with my appearance, but there have always been certain things about me that I like more than others. For example, I've always liked my neck and collar bone. Weird, I know. I've also always liked my face (except when I had just delivered Sarah, and was about forty pounds over my ideal weight!). This medicine I've been on seems to be accentuating the things I don't like about myself (like my love handles and post-pregnancy pooch), and obliterating the things I do (like my neck and face). That REALLY bothers me! Call me crazy, but eating less and better foods and exercising more is supposed to make me look and feel better, while possibly losing a few extra pounds, right? Well, I've been doing that for the last few months, and it's having virtually NO effect. That bothers me. I wouldn't call myself a control "freak" or even a controlling person, but when I can't control my own body, it really throws me for a loop. I keep telling myself that it's only temporary, and the side effects of the medicine will disappear when I'm not taking it anymore. Somehow it just seems to wash over in the here and now. Looking to the future with patience has never been one of my strong points. I'm more of a "get 'er done" type person. When I start a project, I like it to be finished in the least amount of time possible. Hence some of the late night finger-sewing incidents. On the bright side, with the multi-vitamin and extra calcium and magnesium I've been required to take along with my medicine, my nails have never looked better or been stronger! I have pretty hands. Well... Here's to another month from now when I'll be off this poison and can start my transformation back to "normal" again... hopefully.