Lame.

I have been a lame visiting teacher lately. It's not often that I find myself having to make apologies and excuses for why I haven't fulfilled an obligation. Usually, I'm hard pressed to call someone to fill in for me, or to stay home from a meeting or obligation. However, in the month of February, I neglected to do my visiting teaching. It was the first time in probably 6 months I didn't physically go visit my sisters. That's pretty good considering we only moved into the ward 7 months prior, and I started going the first month I had an assignment. All boasting aside, I did not make it out in February. I felt badly, and still felt the need to at least drop by a little note. Here's what it said (and I wish I had a picture of the little card I put it on, because it was actually kind of cute):

"Because this month has been insane,
We know we have been really lame.

We didn't come to visit you,
Although we had intended to.

We hope this message helps you start
To find forgiveness in your heart.

We promise now, to never more
Neglect to show up at your door.

Please accept our apology,
And do enjoy this yummy treat!

Love, Your Visiting Teachers"

I pasted a snipit of the VT message to the back of the card, and left a cute little bundle of heart-shaped Rice Krispy treats in red wrapping on each of my ladies' doorsteps. At least I could invoke a smile, right? Even though I wasn't completely fulfilling my responsibility? Feel free to copy the idea if you ever need to apologize for missing an obligation.

Now. On to another challenge that needs similarly addressed. We've decided to put up a fence in our back yard. From the moment we moved in, we were fully aware that both our neighbors disliked the idea of us having one. I think they like the openness of the three yards, and the freedom of not having a boundary in view. However, I have some serious justifiable reasons for wanting one in, not limited to the fact that I have four small children who neglect to follow the rules of staying in our yard on their own. There is a pond in one of my neighbors' back yards. 14 inches deep. Not fenced. The other neighbor has a too-tall makeshift treehouse with no railings and way-too-steep slide right next to their in-ground trampoline. That same neighbor also has an outdoor cat that tends to make our yard it's litterbox (don't even get me started on how unsanitary that is around young children), and a dog that is seldom attached to it's tie that is supposed to keep it in it's own yard. She also finds it fascinating to relieve herself in someone else's yard or driveway (mine). Less bothersome, yet still compelling reasons for getting a fence, would be privacy, containment of children and property, and being able to grant more complete access to the yard for a dog. Plus, we plan to plant a garden this spring, and having one of the sides of our yard fenced would provide perfect and non-awkward, out of the way bed placement. So, any great suggestions similar to my visiting teaching poem/treat for a peace-offering to break the news that we're going to be putting an eyesore in our neighbors' yards?

Regrets

Have you ever been torn between two choices of food to eat? I was last night. I had gone out on a hubby-approved solo venture, and had stopped by Super Target. While there, I purchased some apples. Only $0.99/lb. Pretty good deal for their size. Before I had even gone in, I was hungry. I even decided to stop by the indoor restaurant, but didn't find anything appealing. As I was putting my purchases in the trunk, I thought maybe I'd grab an apple and eat it. However, since I had tied the bag closed in the store so they wouldn't fall out of the cart, I decided against it. (Too cold outside to stand there untying the bag to get to the apples) A while later, I decided to stop by Arby's. Usually I love their roast beef sandwiches, but this time, I tried their Popcorn Chicken Poppers with honey mustard. They were good, and they were fresh. Very tasty. But when I was finished, and felt full of greasy chicken, I wished I would have chosen the apple instead. It would have been cheaper (less than $1), and definitely would have been healthier. Lesson learned: Always follow my instincts. My first instinct was to eat the apple. I didn't follow that instinct, and ended up regretting it.

To Be? Or Not To Be... American Idol?

I don't know how many people know this, but American Idol winner, David Cook, didn't originally intend to audition for the show. He went to the auditions that day in support of his brother, who ultimately was not even sent to Hollywood. I've thought about this subject often since watching parts of the show last season. I tried to place myself in his shoes. If I had gone to support a family member or close friend, not intending to audition myself, and I went on to win the entire competition, how would I feel? Here's what I came up with: First, if I were there with my family member, and I made it through and not that person, I would feel a little obligated to drop out. I would at least want to have a conversation about it. If staying in the competition was going to severely affect my relationship with the person in a negative way, I may just decide to drop out. In the grand scheme of things, it's the relationships with family and friends that carry over, right? Fame and fortune come and go. We live and die, and in the life hereafter, I would want to remember that I chose family over fame. If the conversation with my friend ended with a mutual agreement and comfort with my moving on and participating in the competition, I probably would. I might feel a little awkward winning, and I would probably always wonder if my friend secretly resented me for it. In the end, we all have to live with the choices we make. Some more important and life-altering than others. When in the heat of the moment, I hope I can make the right one. When I make the wrong one, and realize it's a mistake, I hope I can have the moral courage to try and reverse it, or at least make it right. On another note: Way to go, David! I'm glad he won. He definitely was the better showman.

A.W.O.L.

Whatever happened to all the patriotism that blossomed right after September 11, 2001? I remember painting a large waving flag across the rear window of my car shortly after the terror attacks on my homeland. I drove with it that way for weeks and even avoided washing my car so that I could leave the flag up a little longer. I remember walking through the department stores and finding multiple options for T-shirts with some sort of American flag or our Red White and Blue color scheme. I saw every other car on the highway with a waving flag wedged in the window or on the antenna. People were not afraid to proudly wear our country's colors in December or January without condescending glances from passersby on the street. Here we are, a few years later, and I'm hard pressed to find a patriotic tee in the department stores. I haven't seen one of those car flags for at least a year. The car that once donned a big, sparkling, waving American flag has long since been sold, and I haven't heard much positive talk about the country I have grown to love in a very long time. Even the recent election has cast an unpatriotic hue on our great country. It was more about backbiting and one-upping than what I consider the more important issues. Am I wrong? Or has the patriotism and loyalty I so amorously admired seven years ago all but disappeared?

Out of Control

Nothing bothers me more than things I can't control. Especially when those things directly affect me. I don't like it when I'm in a hurry and the person in front of me is driving well below the speed limit. I don't like it when my house is exceptionally noisy. Like when the TV is on, the kids are yelling, crying or screaming, the phone is ringing, dishwasher is running, someone is talking loudly and Sarah is playing games on the computer. When it gets that chaotic, it just bothers my brain. I don't like it when I've just finished mopping the floor and one of my kids spills their juice on it. Things like that just bother me.

Lately, I've been taking some medication that has been messing with my appearance. It seems like it's affecting all the wrong things for me. I've always been happy with my weight and generally happy with my appearance, but there have always been certain things about me that I like more than others. For example, I've always liked my neck and collar bone. Weird, I know. I've also always liked my face (except when I had just delivered Sarah, and was about forty pounds over my ideal weight!). This medicine I've been on seems to be accentuating the things I don't like about myself (like my love handles and post-pregnancy pooch), and obliterating the things I do (like my neck and face). That REALLY bothers me! Call me crazy, but eating less and better foods and exercising more is supposed to make me look and feel better, while possibly losing a few extra pounds, right? Well, I've been doing that for the last few months, and it's having virtually NO effect. That bothers me. I wouldn't call myself a control "freak" or even a controlling person, but when I can't control my own body, it really throws me for a loop. I keep telling myself that it's only temporary, and the side effects of the medicine will disappear when I'm not taking it anymore. Somehow it just seems to wash over in the here and now. Looking to the future with patience has never been one of my strong points. I'm more of a "get 'er done" type person. When I start a project, I like it to be finished in the least amount of time possible. Hence some of the late night finger-sewing incidents. On the bright side, with the multi-vitamin and extra calcium and magnesium I've been required to take along with my medicine, my nails have never looked better or been stronger! I have pretty hands. Well... Here's to another month from now when I'll be off this poison and can start my transformation back to "normal" again... hopefully.

Greedy Corporate Insanity

As if I needed another reason besides poor customer service, lack of items in stock, "accidental" overcharging, lack of cleanliness, inconsiderate demographics, corporate greed, and presumed empiricism to strongly dislike Walmart, they have given me yet another. There is not much that I enjoy about Walmart. I believe that their non-consumable goods are commonly of inferior quality. I don't usually enjoy my shopping experience in the store because of countless frustrations encountered upon every visit. The other customers I come into contact with inside the store are usually not the most friendly or considerate. Of the few things I do find beneficial about Walmart, their lower prices on certain staples as well as their willingness to price-match other competitors' ads have been the bulk of the rationale for me to continue frequenting it's premises. As my wise neighbor-friend once told me, "If it keeps me a stay-at-home mom..." Without consciously realizing it, this has been one of my main motivations for continuing to shop Walmart. It has indeed helped me save money on every day items so that I can stretch our family income without having to provide a second one just so I don't have to shop "that place." I'm not that proud, anyway. I complain, yet saving money and finding the best deal is by far a more important allocation of my time and energy in taking care of and helping provide for my family. So... the new reason for hatred? It may just be a rumor. More probably it's another way for the corporate giant to "stick it" to the consumer in this downward spiraling economy because as yet another wise person said in reference to "safe" stock investments today, "People will not stop shopping at Walmart because they think it's the cheapest place to buy." I have been told that Walmart is shortly going to be doing away with it's price-matching policy. Nice! So maybe I really will stop shopping there now. I'll just have to plan my trips better and utilize my friends' shopping trips when they're going somewhere I'm not. Personally, I think it's a poor decision on Walmart's part. I think they'll lose business over it because a lot of people, including myself, have been using Walmart's price matching for the convenience of a one-stop shop. But it's only slightly less convenient, and not at all gas-inefficient for me to make more than one stop. Especially if I'm going to Walmart because those other stores are all closer than they are to me anyway. Go figure. This only reaffirms my growing beef with one of the biggest corporate giants of America.

Women's Conference

I have always liked President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, and have always enjoyed listening to his talks during conference sessions. Somehow, though, I enjoyed the one I just heard at Women's Conference tonight so much more than I remember enjoying them before. Perhaps it was the lack of children tugging at my leg and screaming in my ears every few seconds. Perhaps it was the dark quiet of the stake center chapel. Perhaps it was the reverence and respect of the congregation of women sitting with me listening tonight. I can't really say for sure. He said some very interesting and important things today. None were ideas I haven't heard a million times before, nor were they extremely profound, but I felt uplifted and enlightened as I walked away from this meeting. A few of my favorite things he said tonight were about service, talents, creativity, and self-worth.

He said, in short, that serving others makes us happy. I've heard this many times before, and have experienced first hand how serving someone else can lift my spirits and brighten my mood when I'm feeling down. It really is easier said than done sometimes, though. When I'm in a rotten mood, the last thing I want to do is do something for someone else. But when I can pull myself out of my self-pity and egocentric disposition and serve someone, even in the slightest way, I definitely feel better. I couldn't agree more that service to others is one of the best ways to serve myself.

He also said that everyone has talents. When we, as women, see another person's abilities and talents, we often start to envy those abilities and wonder why we can't be as good as "so and so" at whatever it is. President Uchtdorf reminds us that we all have talents, and we all have something to contribute. If we all were good at all the same things, the world would be severely lacking. If we feel like we aren't talented, we need to "think again" and find what it is we are good at, no matter how small or insignificant.

He spoke of creativity tonight as well. He said there is no greater joy than when we can take unorganized matter and organize it into something beautiful that did not exist before. He emphasized that we are all created in the image of God, our maker, who is the ultimate creator. This means that if he had the capacity to create something as complex, intriguing and amazing as us, and we are created in his image, as a part of Him, then we all have the capacity to create. He said that if we think we have no capacity for creativity, then we should start with seeing how many smiles we can create. Once we've tried that, then we can move on to bigger and better things. He compared his and his wife's cooking abilities in part of his talk. He said that his wife always made beautiful and delicious meals that he always enjoys. Then when he cooks, it never turns out nearly as well or as delicious, but it always makes him feel heroic and capable for being able to make something at least edible. It's all in the way we look at it.

He also spoke of self-worth. He mentioned that many women are self-defeating more often than self-uplifting. I see this all the time in myself, as well as in my friends. I know when I'm doing it to myself, but somehow, I keep doing things that bring me down instead of building me up. For me, sometimes it's hard to recognize the beauty beneath the flaws. Lately I've been dealing with some issues beyond my control that have been bringing me down. But they only bring me down because I let them. I appreciate talks like the one I heard tonight from President Uchtdorf that bring my priorities and thoughts back into focus and back in the direction they should be. It's important to look at the bigger picture. Remember to look into the future instead of dwelling in the present. All in all, I came away from the conference tonight happier than when I started out today, and more uplifted than I ever would have been had I stayed home like I wanted to. Thank you Brittney for "guilting" me into going! You're exactly what President Uchtdorf just told us we need to be!